Official Business Startup Whine

This ... this starting a business thing...this is hard.  Much harder than I thought.  Of course isn't that how it always goes, right?  Nothing worth having in life is ever easy to ascertain.  This is the one true certainty of life, or so I've come to learn in my 34.5 years on this earth.

The decisions alone are enough to make me vomit.  The money I've invested (and have nothing yet to show for it) also makes me nauseous.  I read.  I research.  I calculate.  I read some more.  I plan.  I set short term goals and long-term goals.  And when goals are met, I make more goals.  I make lists.  And more lists.  And lists of lists.  And then I get overwhelmed and scared and want to crawl into a hole and forget about the whole thing.  It's so very daunting.  Now I understand why businesses fail or never really ever get off the ground, and why people who run their own businesses (like my husband) say that it isn't always sunshine and puppies.  It really does suck at times.  It sucks A LOT in the beginning. 

What keeps me from stopping?  I'm not sure.  I think it's mostly because I love it so much.  I love working with people, especially kids and babies, capturing the light in their eyes and their sweet smiles and expressions.  It's almost like a high.  And the challenge of harboring good light, nailing the exposure, getting a good crop of well-exposed images with no color casts.  It's challenging and rewarding.  And then when a creative vision you have in your head somehow works out just right, and perhaps gives you something a bit more than what you expected.  That's gravy.  It really makes you proud.  Like these images -- which, I might add, made this baby's momma cry:

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Yup, they made her cry.  Course it helps tons that he's soooo damn cute!  Seriously, though, I can't think of any greater indication of job satisfaction than that.  It inspires me to keep pushing on.  Push past the fear, the uncertainty and the unknowns.  "Do what you love and the money will follow."  I'm living my life by that principle, and while it remains to be seen how much money will follow, I know for certain I am doing what I love.