Immortality

nobody@vox.com(AmazonMama) — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 07:55:48 -0800

If this sounds really random and out of sorts, it's because that's what my emotional state feels like right now. Mixed up and random.

It's been a tough couple of weeks. My dear sister-in-law to be, Amanda, or, simply "Nana" as the kids call her, lost her mother a week ago yesterday. She was only 48 years old, and while the exact cause of her passing still remains to be revealed, her three beautiful children and her family are left to pick up the pieces and try to move on with things. Her death was unexpected, and her children had to make the difficult decision to remove her from life support when it became evident that she would not be living without the assistance of machines.

I don't even have the words to express how sad I am for them, especially Amanda, because she is getting married in July to my brother-in-law Michael, and it just hurts me to know that her special day (and all the days before and after) are going to be tinged with grief and sadness. I wish I had a magic wand to make the pain go away.

As I watched this woman's three brave children stand at her graveside in the snow this past Tuesday, tearfully bidding farewell to their beloved mother, it hurt my heart so to see them hurt so much. I've been there. How I wish there was a way to make it hurt less, but the truth is there isn't anything much that will ever fully erase those feelings of loss. The passage of time certainly has a way of easing things, thankfully.

The priest who performed the service suggested that the children and family turn to their faith and family to help ease the pain and get them through, and I could not help but nod in agreement when he said this during the service. It reminded me so much of all my friends and family who have been there for me throughout these last 15 years, to sit and listen, to offer words of comfort, to just be there to remember her with me.

And faith. If not for my faith in God, and the belief that his plan for me is perfect, and having placed full trust in Him and his wisdom, I'm doubtful I would be where I am today. In those early, raw weeks and months following my mother's death, I was angry at God and my faith in Him was totally shattered. But, over time, I began to trust again, to turn to him in prayer when things became completely unbearable and unmanageable. And, you know what, he always showed me the way. Maybe not in the timetable I would have liked, but he always showed me the answers.

It hurts my heart to know the pain Amanda and her brothers have endured, and have yet to endure as they attempt to move on with their young lives. I didn't get the chance to tell Amanda's older brother this, and I'm not sure if he'll even see this, but I did tell Amanda and her younger brother this when I expressed my condolences. What I wanted each of them to know is this: all that is good about their mom is right there inside them. When they are feeling sad or missing her, all they need to do is look in the mirror and they'll see her and draw on her strength. Our mothers teach us how to love, and that gift is timeless and priceless, and it is a gift that they will have from her for all their lives. Use that gift, and in doing so she will always live on.

I have no doubts now that their mother Deb is up there in heaven, free from her pain and suffering. Although she will be absent from this earth, she will always live on in the hearts of her three children and all those who were affected by her love and presence.

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Has it really been that long?

nobody@vox.com(AmazonMama) — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 20:56:59 -0800

Sweet goodness I realized now my last blog post was well over a month ago! I'm sitting here trying to remember what the heck happened, other than the holidays and all the onslaught of that, and thereafter. The holidays were great. Kids had a wonderful Christmas. We got a Wii, which is just a blast. I've been really busy with the business recently. December kind of got crazy, then before I knew it I had a session on New Year's Eve with a beautiful 6-month-old. We got the dreaded stomach virus Christmas weekend...my January is turning out to be much more brisk than I ever expected it to be, which is awesome.

Oh and the Eagles. Well, I'm just as stupefied and amazed as the rest of the lot that we (a) made it to the postseason, and (b) have made it all the way to the NFC Championship. It has been so totally bizarre, this entire football season. Either way, we're all cautiously excited about the Eagles. What a wild ride it has been!

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A trip to Steve & Barry's

nobody@vox.com(AmazonMama) — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 21:01:53 -0800

We had a very wonderful Thanksgiving holiday. My dad made the long trek up here from southeastern MO, bless his 60-year-old heart, and no sooner had he arrived, we learned that my grandmother (who will be 80 next week, BLESS HER), got into an accident on Thanksgiving Day. While it remains to be seen exactly what happened, the details are that it was likely a deer, and, unfortunately, her vehicle is likely totaled. But, thankfully, she and my aunt are fine and no one was harmed. Well, except maybe the deer...but we're not certain of its whereabouts to know for sure.

I was supposed to get up early with hubby and hit the Black Friday sales, but I started feeling icky around 3 a.m. Friday morning and begged off the trip. Hubby went out and got a good deal of shopping done for the kiddos. My sole shopping achievement that day was that I cleaned our local Radio Shack out of 2 GB CompactFlash cards for my camera. At $11.99 a piece it was a steal, especially considering most 2 GB CF cards are $40 bucks each or higher. I'm not a fan of the bigger, 8GB or even 16GB cards that seem to be all the rage. That's just more data that could potentially be lost. Plus those big suckers are known for failure...give me a handful of 2 giggers over a single big-un any day.

On Sunday we hit our local Steve & Barry's to check out the deals. Apparently the entire chain is closing down, and that's a shame. I rather fancied that store, even though they hardly ever carried anything for my alma mater (Drexel). Its fun to go in there and get your kicks off of the various slogans and other vulgarities on their shirts. Katie and Jon were along for the trip. Katie decided that she wanted to get Aunt Amanda a t-shirt for Christmas. Problem is, Katie has some very definite ideas about what kind of t-shirt Aunt Amanda would like. It took me some time to convince her that Aunt Amanda probably wouldn't want a t-shirt with rainbows and flowers on it from the girls' section, we moved on to the adult section.

"What's this one say, Mom?"

"Oh, that says 'Green Shirts are For Pimps."

"What's a pimp?"

"Um, ah, um, it's like a leprechaun, you know, like St. Patrick's day." (Whew. Good save. Gonna have to be careful here).

"I KNOW! LET'S GET NANA A WEDDING SHIRT!"

"Um, okay...let's see if we can find one of those." (doubtful, but let her look...what the heck...)

"Oh look, Mom, here's one, it has a bride and groom on it."

(and underneath the bride and groom it said "BIG MISTAKE" Lovely.)

"Oh no, honey, they don't have her size."

"Oh. That stinks. Oh wait, Mom! Look at this cute one with the cat on it! What does it say?"

"Um, ah, I can't tell you what it says, honey." (Why? Because it says 'Sex Kitten'. HOLY HELL!?!? Yes, I'm certain Aunt Amanda would totally appreciate a 'Sex Kitten' t-shirt from her 6 year old niece!!!)

"Why not? What does it say, Mom? Wait, I'll sound it out...Essss...eeeee...xxxxx"

(Me, twisting her head around and then picking up the shirt closest to my hands) "Katie! Look, look at this one...it's got, um, uh, letters on it. Look here! It's red and, uh, soft."

"Mom, that's a boy's shirt. It has a race car on it."

"Oh, yeah, right," (laughing), I don't think Nana would want that one, huh...let's go find Daddy and Jon."

Shortly thereafter we left S&B's, without a t-shirt for Nana. I think I liked it better when she didn't know phonics.

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As my mother would say...

nobody@vox.com(AmazonMama) — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 19:26:23 -0800

As my mother would say when she was alive, I got a wild hair up my ass today. She reserved that expression for those random times when any one of us three kids would do something impulsive or out-of-character.

A few months back I took a picture of my TV while CNN's Heidi Collins was on. I fell in love with her haircut and after scouring the Internet for about an hour to find a current pic of it, I gave up, grabbed my camera, and took a picture of my TV. I took three, actually. I knew one day I'd get up the nerve to cut it all off, and today, I suppose, was that day. The "wild hair up my ass" day.

The stylist thought it was rather comical when I handed her a printed 8.5x11 page of three pics of Heidi-on-my-TV. Twenty minutes later, the ground was covered with hair. I turned to Jonathan (who had been promised a trip to Walgreen's for a special treat if he was well-behaved during my haircut...and he was VERY well behaved) I asked "so, what do you think of Mommy's hair?" He looked at me and for a second there I thought he was going to cry, then he said "You look like a BOY." That warmed my heart. Really. What a sweetie, huh?

So yeah. I got a new 'do. It's heaven not to have to deal with all that damn hair that was doing nothing but looking like dog poop and falling out all over the damn place. I even put on some makeup (took me a bit to find my makeup...I don't wear it very often) then snapped a self-portrait. Just to keep it real, tho, my skin is not that smooth...anywhere...it's a little gem of a filter called Noiseware and I heart it with all my being. Best money I ever spent for photography next to my D300. And a little liquify of the chin always helps a bit too. I wish I had a real life liquify tool and a clone stamp...life would damn near be perfect then.

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The Solution for Photographer's Child Syndrome - Holiday Edition

nobody@vox.com(AmazonMama) — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 20:05:16 -0800

Prolly gonna go to hell for this one. :0)

Xmas 2008

This concept was a festive solution to a very big problem. See, my kids don't particularly care for my camera or my unquenchable desire to capture every other moment of their lives. Anymore, they flatly refuse to even sit for me, so I rarely bother dragging out my studio gear unless I absolutely have to. I had a session today, so I figured might as well attempt to do the old annual Christmas Card photo shoot. The wrapping them in lights concept came out of necessity moreso than the cuteness of it. I needed something that would help them stay still! And, well, since Duct Tape isn't very festive (and I'm pretty certain NJ's DYFS wouldn't think very highly of that concept, either), an old-fashioned string of C-9 lights was the obvious solution. However, I highly recommend that if you ever want to try this little prop, buy the LCD version of the C-9 lights. I hadn't realized that these buggers would get so hot until I took them through a test run on Friday after I bought them at Target. We had to move quickly to get the shots done before they got hot enough to cause any discomfort.

The kids got a kick out of it, honestly. In fact, the rest of the session (which remains to be edited) turned out remarkably well. Nobody cried, including me, which is quite remarkable, really.

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He may need an intervention...

nobody@vox.com(AmazonMama) — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 11:48:19 -0800

The Boy is a total Christmas junkie.

Every store we hit we MUST check out the Christmas decorations. I believe that he has the entire Target holiday section memorized at this point. What's even more bizarre is yeah, he likes looking at toys, but he'd rather look at the decorations. He has a particular fascination with those blow-up inflatable lawn doohickeys that are so popular these days. I've never seen a three year old MALE get more excited over Christmas ornaments than this child.

We have this small tree that sits atop our kitchen bar in a corner that we decorate for each holiday. So the other day we were at the dollar store and sure enough, they make little tinfoil leaf garland just for Thanksgiving. Up until now, it had been bedecked with Halloween garb, but I picked up the tinfoil leaf garland and a few red and gold Christmas balls (hey, they matched...and they don't sell Turkey ornaments, unfortunately) and figured we'd do a red-gold Thanksgiving tree. Wanting to be fair, I explained to Jonathan that when his sister got home from school, we would decorate the tree. That, however, didn't stop him from asking me every 15 minutes if we could decorate it. Then, when she got home and we had to do the little poop/heartworm extravaganza that I posted about, he surprised me with a brief moratorium on the begging. But, no sooner had we gotten in the door and gotten settled, he was at it again. By then it was time for me to head to work, so Daddy had to field his incessant requests. He's relentless.

I honestly shouldn't be too suprised, given the apple generally never falls too far from the tree, and his father is a bona-fide Christmas fanatic as well. He's one of those types that require that NO presents can be opened until Christmas morning, with the exception of the annual Christmas Eve PJ's that we exchange as a family. He's a total stickler on this rule. Me? I'm with the "hell, don't even bother to wrap it, just hand it over" type. I like Christmas and all, I'm just not a stickler for the rules. Plus I have no patience whatsoever. I'm ready to open Christmas presents on, like, December 3rd.

So today we're out and about and I end up getting a small 4 ft. artificial tree to use as a prop, much to Jon's delight. Within 30 minutes of arriving home, we had it assembled and decorated, if only to avoid hearing "Mom, can we decorate the Cwishmush twee, pwease?" 6,000 times. So now we have, in addition to the schnazzy Thanksgiving tree in the kitchen, a small 4-ft tree atop one of the end tables in the living room. Jon is totally delighted.

One day, he's going to make Clark Griswold look like Scrooge. You wait and see.

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An inadvertent lie.

nobody@vox.com(AmazonMama) — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 18:43:06 -0800

Did you know that human beings can get heartworms?

Did you even WANT to know that? I know I sure as hell did not!

So what is the point in my telling you this? Today I had to stop in our vet's office to take in Molly's poo sample and get her started on the first part of her lyme vaccine. As if the overwhelming joy of shuffling doggie turds into a ziploc baggie were not enough pleasure for one day, the kids were along for the ride. While I was there, I had to get a refill on Molly's monthly heartworm meds. On the reception desk is this model of a heart with heartworms. It was really creepy-looking. I actually didn't even notice it until Katie asked what it was, and in the interest of being informative, honest and open with my kids, I explained what it was. I added, in fact, that part of the reason we were there today was so we could get Molly's heartworm medicine.

A few moments later, Molly's poo was on its way to wherever they look at the doggie poo (what a fun job!) and she got her first part of her lyme vaccine. The kids were so proud that she didn't even cry when she got her shot. I'm certain they expected her to break out wailing and screaming when the needle came in sight, just like they do. As we're departing, Katie starts welling up with tears. When I ask what's wrong, she says "Molly has HEARTWORMS." I assured her that she most definitely DOES NOT have heartworms, and that the medication she is taking is to keep her from getting heartworms. Hysterical at this point, she then says "can I get heartworms?" I assured her that in the history of humankind, no person has ever gotten heartworms. Only dogs get heartworms (I think).

It took me some time to fully convince her that (a) Molly was not going to have worms crawling out of her heart, or any other orifice for that matter, and (b) Molly licking her face was not going to give her heartworms, as heartworms cannot be transmitted from dog to person, AND (c) the medicine we give Molly every month will KEEP her from getting heartworms.

And then that damn google proved me all wrong. You know I just had to google "humans get heartworms" and sho nuf:

Can humans get heartworm disease?
Yes, but it is very rare. Usually in humans, the worms migrate to the lungs instead of the heart. Here they form a lesion that can be seen on X-rays. There are normally few symptoms noticed with human heartworm infestation. Surgical removal of the lung lesion may be performed, if necessary.

EW!

So yeah, I lied. I had to. The child would be awake every night for the next month worrying about getting heartworms and freaking out if the dog came within 3 feet of her.

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Completely random update...

nobody@vox.com(AmazonMama) — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 19:49:03 -0800

I say "random" because that's my posting style these days. I know this, and I apologize. I have not had much to say in recent months. I'm partially blaming my absence on my addiction to Facebook. The status updates have done me in. They are just so much quicker and snarkier than blog posts, ya know? The other half of the blame goes to my ever-failing thyroid. Yes, THYROID. As in gland in your neck that regulates your metabolism and can have profound effects on your mood if it is out of whack. Mine is really screwed up these days. I have all the textbook symptoms of hypothyroidism (weight gain, hair loss, depression, flaky skin, etc. etc.), and I'm on meds to boot. It is usually around this time of year when the meds start to wane and I find I need to make my annual trip to the doc for bloodwork to see what is up. So, in case you were wondering why I am so non-verbose these days, it's because my mood is, well, BLAH. I have my bloodwork scheduled next week and within a short time thereafter, my meds will likely be tweaked and I will be back to my chipper, blathering-on-as-per-usual self in no time.

As I mentioned previously, I began second shooting/assisting for a locally-reknowned wedding photography establishment this wedding season. I had the good fortune of spending most of the last 7-8 weeks shooting for them on Saturdays. While the work was hard, I had a lot of fun and learned so much from their very, very talented main photographers. It's been busy, but I've been enjoying it. The hardest part of it all was losing my Saturdays away from the kiddos, especially when my time with Katie is scarce as it is. She didn't take to kindly to my absences in the beginning few weeks, but then she adjusted. I only have two more dates with them this calendar year, and am hopeful I'll be able to join them again next year. It's been a lot of fun...and it doesn't seem like much work when you're doing something that you love. But I will admit it's hard on the old bod...my recovery cocktail consists of a flexeril and three advil. Works like a charm after a long day of being on your feet!

Molly, our new puppers, is doing so well. I really, honestly, could not be more thrilled with her. She is such a great dog! I really have to pinch myself when I think of all the luck involved that fateful day when I just so happened to click the Pets section on Craigslist, and there she was. She's stolen all our hearts. We really don't have any signficant behavioral issues to contend with, which is always a concern when you take on an animal. She has her normal "puppyisms", like chewing and mouthing, which is to be expected for a pup her age.

She absolutely adores the kids and has taken them on as her little charges. If they are out in the yard, she MUST be out there with them. If they leave the yard to ride their bikes up and down the sidewalk, she plants herself in the corner of the yard closest to where they are, so she can keep watch. She was mortally afraid of the car when we first got her, but now she jumps at the chance to go for a ride, even though her carsickness issue persists. I take her every day to pick up Katie from school. The other day, Jonathan was running around in the front of the school yard and he wandered too far from me and Molly, who was on her leash. She started lunging towards him, nearly pulling my arm off, just so she could try to move me closer to him or try to get closer to him so she could somehow "corral" him. She's definitely got a herding instinct, except instead of lambs, she herds the kids. It's very comical to watch.

Thanksgiving is coming up and it's going to be a special one for us. My Dad is making the trip up here by car to spend the holiday with us, and we're all beyond excited waiting for his arrival. Every day Katie asks "how many more days until Grandpa comes?" She loves her Grandpa, that girl, and I know she's the apple of his eye, too. We're all looking forward to it. I haven't had a Thanksgiving with my Dad since 1980. Having Christmas to spend with him last year was rockin', and I'm so looking forward to having T-Giving with him this year. Good times, fo sho!

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Witnessing History

nobody@vox.com(AmazonMama) — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 12:33:47 -0800

I've been struggling all day to put into words the emotions I am feeling about the election of Barack Obama as our president. Elated comes to mind. Hopeful. Inspired. Excited. Perhaps a bit scared, even...scared for him because there are so many loonies in this world who still woller in a world of hate and intolerance, and who may even be plotting now to do something awful to thwart him. It's a scary world we live in. But, mostly, I'm thrilled and elated and excited for our nation. He's been the first political leader I've seen in my lifetime to lift up and inspire so many people. And that, in and of itself, is historic. Leaders like him don't come along very often. As my sister said in one of our texting exchanges about the election "it feels like we're electing the John F. Kennedy of our generation." I think she may be right there. It sure feels pretty awesome.

While it would be easy for me to sit and worry about the loonies, for today, I'm choosing to set aside the fears and focus on the hope. I'm choosing to try to ignore the statements of folks disappointed that "their guy" didn't win, and the folks out there who claim they are "downright scared" for what may come under his leadership. I wonder if those people have peeked outside their little boxes recently. This nation is pretty effing screwed up, in case you haven't noticed. I can somewhat relate to their feelings, because I had similar fears when GWB was elected in 2000 and 2004. And we survived...maybe not very well, but we're here, aren't we?

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I. CANNOT. BELIEVE. IT.

nobody@vox.com(AmazonMama) — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 19:11:39 -0700

We finally won a Championship. HALLAYFREAKINLEUJAH!!!!

The Philadelphia Phillies are the 2008 World Series Champs. Can you believe it????? Is the curse finally broken?

Well obviously I'm thrilled. It's been a long time coming here in these parts. I watched the last few innings at work with my coworkers, and today my knee is killing me from jumping up and down in total freak out mode when Brad Lidge threw that last pitch. It was amazing.

So the big parade that has alluded this town for so long is tomorrow. I want to go, but it's Halloween and I'm a room mother again this year (how do I get myself into these things? Oh yeah, I can't keep my big pie hole shut...that's why...) She doesn't want to miss her parade and party at school, and my poor hubby has been waiting for this moment pretty much his whole life. So he's going and taking the Boy, too.

Then, after that, while the Phillies fans systematically dismantle the rest of the city (they got pretty rowdy last night, or so I heard...I know it was pretty crazy near Vine where I crossed over Broad last night heading home...), we'll be doing tricks or treats with the kids. Katie is dressing up as Mighty B and Jon as Peter Pan. Most folks have never heard of Mighty B, so, here ya go: http://www.nick.com/shows/mighty_b/index.jhtml So her costume consists of a vintage Brownie uniform I scored on ebay, a yellow felt sash and gigantic round black framed glasses. I'll try to get some pics up tomorrow.

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